Thursday, April 6, 2017

Tape Headz Session 18: Return to Me (2000)

For 18, the returning tapes did a pretty good job staying in the running:

Return to Me - 96
Night Visitor - 44.5
The Watcher - 36.5
Amityville 2 - 25
Species 2 - 0
Little Man Taint - 4
Daffy Duck's Quackbusters - 4
License to Drive - 75

All the previous top four tapes were in the top four, with Return to Me grabbing the victory. The only two new candidates that really scored any points were License to Drive and Amityville 2.

This was another high scorer, which after Light Years and Tank Girl it seems that we're just picking better tapes in general. Things started poor when the MGM.COM sequence was the only thing like a Sneak-Peek on the whole tape, but it quickly turned around.

Some notes:

"His wife is dead!"
"David Allan Greer"
"Bagel guy"
"Zoom in on phone with tin foil heart"
"Hair implant guy"
"Sydney eats fries"
"Construction arms"
"You're one's going to notice your chest"
"Don't say stripper, God's listening to you"
"A priest?!"
"Hold hands"
"1/2 boobs"
"Brown banana"
"No Ralph, I don't touch men"
"What's going on with the senior citizens?"
"David Duchovny killing it"
"DD doesn't appreciate being confused with a monkey"
"Slutty woman doesn't stop dancing"
"Slow motion heart transplant"
"It's like a garden"
"DD gets slapped and kissed"

Everyone gave Sweet-Emotion four points. Whether it was all the old guys dancing or David Duchovny's wife dying in a horrible accident, there was a lot of emotion going on. Everyone agreed that cover appeal got a one and a half. It looks like every sentimental comedy-drama from the time, with the only thing setting it apart is David Allan Greer staring at you on the back cover.

Justin maxed out his scores on every other category not mentioned. Josh maxed out with the exception of 2.5s on Visual-Touchdown and Eye-Candy, while Crystal maxed out except for 2.5s on Visual-Touchdown and Spiffy-Scripting.

This is currently the third highest rated tape, making it the third tape in the past three weeks to beat previous champ Eyes Wide Shut. We've gotta go back to watching crappy tapes before people think we're like Leonard Maltin giving everything an A+.

FINAL RATING: 19.83333

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